the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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