I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
