my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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