Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
