well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
