the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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