Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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