Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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