I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize