Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
