Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
