yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
