Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
