you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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