also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
