Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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