Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
