I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
