just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
