whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Randomize
