Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
