i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
