the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
