Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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