I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
