Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he puts the penis in happiness.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
