I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
