I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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