I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
OPIZZABONMYDICK
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
