sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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