Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
