Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
sex in a hospital.. check
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
