Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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