Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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