What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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