the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
