My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
