Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize