it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
