someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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