well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
