no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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