WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
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In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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