Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
