I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
