Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
