the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
