Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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