So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
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so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
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That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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