You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
