Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
