Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
