dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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