fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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