After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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