yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
