I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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