Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
