If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
