i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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