i jhust puked up my retainher.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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