you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
