he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
