Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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