Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You made out with two different species that night
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
