they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just found a bag of teeth...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
