you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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